i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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