Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
