You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
