I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
