it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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