Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
