are you so shy because you have an std?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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