That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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