Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
