His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
