i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
