Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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