Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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