you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we're so committed to being not committed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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