pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
