YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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