how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
