He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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