I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize