didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
