why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
