I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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