I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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