she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
