it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
