I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
