we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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