wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
