two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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