It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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