Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
