I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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