i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
