Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
