Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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