Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
