The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
