I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
