My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
