Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
