My first STD was from a foam party
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize