if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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