you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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