READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
as a side note pls kill me
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