I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
