I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
