Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
