Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
