can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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