I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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