your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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