i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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