I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
