His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
