i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
