I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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