Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
