I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize