dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
