You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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