The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
