i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
