Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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