am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
