I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
