I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
there is puke in my bra ... again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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