i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
