Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
