Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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