I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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