Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
