I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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